Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Such a pain in the...

I had a hole punched in my eye today. I don't recommend it. I do, however, recommend that doctors make their numbing drops last longer. Much longer.

I went to my lovely retina specialist today - I see him about as often as I see my family - and he was forced to be the bearer of less-than-stellar news. I'm just too healthy. My body likes to heal itself a little too much. The scar tissue is taking over my eye and starting to cover up very important ducts and threatens to move past the iris to the front of my eye.

Talk about your hostile takeover. It's like some green goo-infected now-living thing that is bound and determined to take over all other life around it - the motives behind which are not examined but quickly skipped over in order to get back to the blood, gore, and testosterone-fueled fighting. And believe me, there is plenty of blood - my doctor said so.

Hmmm... if my scar tissue is the equivalent of a science experiment gone wrong, I wonder what would stand in the place of the brave, wholesome, well-meaning (if endearingly-flawed) hero who saves the day in the nick of time without thought of his (or her) own safety?

Yep, now I am making no sense at all.

To combat this evil scar villain, dear Dr. Romreill decided to give my eye a shot. I really do wish I knew what I was getting into when I go see that man. It is all too often an unpleasant surprise. The shot is one that is normally used on patients suffering from macular degeneration (which, coincidently enough, my grandmother has), but which the doctor hopes will stop the bad blood vessels from growing and stop the evil scar monster from getting his (or her) necessary supply of green goo.

All I know is that I dislike having long, sharp objects poked deep into my eye. Even if I cannot see it happening. I also know that you can apparently take way more ibuprofen than the bottle says and still not overdose.

Tune in next time for another exciting account of the devilish deeds of the Creature From the Inner Eye! Watch the mayhem that it lets loose on unsuspecting Cornea and Iris, two innocent, bookish, and pretty citizens of Craniumetropolis! Will a hero arise to combat this evil menance? Will he (or she) survive the encounter? We can only watch and pray that it is so...

1 comment:

  1. Suzanne,

    I am sorry about your eye. But you kill me. Seriously, you're hilarious. And I can't wait to see you.